Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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