Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
