I'd wear matching sweaters with you
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he puts the penis in happiness.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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