When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
