we're blogging at a bar
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
