If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
