i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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