new low.... made out with someone while peeing
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You ruined the universe
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
