How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's rum buckets o'clock
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
