I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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