Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dicks are not precious.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
