i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
