Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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