white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
