I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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