My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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