Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
