"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
