I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
