I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
