i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
