Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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