gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
