I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
