i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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