before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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