Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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