I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
