its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
