I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
