Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
What a dumb baby whore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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