Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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