I feel like I'm in dance class right now
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
