oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
