And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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