Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
