wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
