I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
