3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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