underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
