I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
