Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
