Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
