Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I fill condoms, not promises.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
