Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
