i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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