I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
