I'm so fucking centered right now
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
