Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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