How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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