two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
