It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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